Public Safety Announcement

What it says:

Use daily on the body:

Step 1: Cleanse with body wash or bar soap as usual, then rinse.

Step 2: Dispense product into hand and smooth onto wet skin. Start with a quarter size amount for each area of the body (adjust if needed).

Step 3: Rinse.

Step 4: Pat dry with towel.

As with other bath and shower products, this product may make some surfaces more slippery.

What it SHOULD say:

Use daily on the body:

Step 1: Cleanse with body wash or bar soap as usual, then rinse.
Step 2: Dispense product into hand and smooth onto wet skin. Start with a quarter size amount for each area of the body (adjust if needed).
Step 3: Rinse.
Step 4: Pat dry with towel.

This product has been scientifically formulated to make all surfaces slipperier than snot on a doorknob. Never, ever should you attempt to use this product while standing in an upright position. As a matter of fact, even when used in the sitting down position, we recommend retrofitting your bathtub with a NASCAR approved 5-point safety harness in addition to 80 grit sandpaper adhered directly to the bottom of your feet.

Now you can't say Oil of Olay isn't completely committed to the health and safety of our consumers.

Because clearly, we are.